Baby Panic Attacks

I've lately been having these mini panic attacks*. You know what I'm talking about? When you start thinking about something and then you just sort of keep spinning it around and around in your head until you find yourself unable to breathe, and unclear on your own reality? Aa's had this long-standing gift when it comes to talking me out of these episodes (as well as the big ones, where I wind up in a ball in tears in some corner of our house, but that hasn't happened for years thankfully). Lately my panic attacks have to do with: our house, the wedding planning, and the future in general. Then this gets all balled up and becomes "OHDEARGODITSALLSOBLEAKWEARE SOSCREWEDIDONTEVENKNOWWHATTODOORWHERETOGOWHEREISTHEDOGINEEDTOCRAWLINTOBED".

So, I have a question for you, dear readers (both of you). If you start feeling your mind spin out like I described, what do you to rein it back in and calm yourself down? Like I said, Aa is amazing at calming me down and bringing me back to reality. But he can't be around all the time, and it'd be cool if I could calm myself down too. Any tricks or tools you've developed would be great to know. Thanks!!


*And please, don't worry, I'm fine. Sometimes I just get worked up about stuff is all.

Futility

Because neither Aa nor I really know the difference between weeds or flowers, our yard / garden care is either:

• abject neglect, because we don't want to rip out any of the nice flowers the lady who owned this house for 30+ years planted and lovingly cultivated
• violent, oafish, Vikings-razing-a-peaceful-village action wherein we rip, hack, yank, chop everything out of the ground.

We just Vikinged the hell out of our backyard for the last three hours. Since it is late May in Seattle, it should be completely overgrown again by Wednesday morning.

Gee, Anne.

So I've noticed this thing lately. When people are looking at the printed version of my name (spelled Jeanne, which is my given name), they stop for a second. Then they uncertainly sound out
"Gee...Anne?" It's definitely a new facet of the precious gem that is how people mess up my name (listing the ways people mess up "Yandel" is a whole other post, if not a whole other blog entirely). For years people have seen my first name and pronounced it "Jean", which is - obviously - correct. If anything, it's been the i in "Jeannie", which is what I go by, that has caused pronunciation trouble in the past. People see that and almost always default to "Jeanine" (pron juhNEEN). I guess I can understand this new "Gee...Anne" phenomenon - I mean, my name is spelled just like Leanne, but still. It's weird. Who in the world is named Gee-Anne? I don't think the name even exists - at least, this ridiculous collection of bad baby names doesn't list it.

I don't know. It's just odd, and that's really all I have to say about it. Except that this morning one of the guys at my regular coffee place called out "Gee...Anne?" when my drink was ready. And I laughed without thinking and said "it's Jean! Jean! It's just the French spelling!" Which was probably kind of mean. Sorry, young coffee man.

**UPDATE! After I wrote this post, I remembered that my last name showed up as "Yanobel" on a race registration sheet this past weekend. This wouldn't have been so bad if the form I'd filled out hadn't been one of those with one square for each letter of your name. You know? And still, they get one letter wrong and then throw another one in there for the hell of it.

Also, that whole "facet of a precious gem that is how people mess up my name" bit, above? Good lord, is that some awkward writing. Bad Jenna.

Things I've Learned / Re-Learned In The Past Week

• Eating something called a burrito inferno and washing it down w/ 2 margaritas is a terrible, terrible thing to do the night before an early morning trail race.
• Aa should get some kind of prize or medal for his listening / making me feel better skills. (What about the Man Booker Prize? Nobody cares about that one. Can we take that over?)
• I am not, by nature, a "neat" or "organized" person. But if I don't have like a baseline of order in the house, I get cranky.
• My baseline of order is a bed with sheets and blankets that are not all balled up, cleared and cleaned kitchen counters, swept floors, and relatively clear surfaces in the dining and living rooms.
• Mark Bittman is an effing genius.
• I really need to get better about saying no.
• I am much happier thinking about what my life is than what it isn't.
• It is almost always better to do than not do. Even with wedding planning.
• Indian food is better spicy, except for navratan korma.

ID Theft, As Described By A Recent Email Exchange

For no other reason than I don't want to describe it again b/c I've been doing that since yesterday morning.


-----Original Message-----
From: Megan
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 11:09 AM
To: Jeannie
Subject: You Ok?

?

From: Jeannie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 11:16 AM
To: Megan
Subject: RE: You Ok?

No, actually. Some asshole got a hold of my debit card numbers and spent over a thousand dollars at Dell and of all places fucking Bed Bath and Beyond. I spent the whole morning at my bank and now I'm waiting for the police to call me back to file a report. My checking and savings accounts are pretty much frozen, there's no guarantee I'll get this money back, and who knows how long this will all take. Of course I'm assuming the worst right now but I've been calm and reasonable all day so far about this. Downright pleasant, even, in all of my dealings with my bank and the police and the Visa fraud people. Right now I just want to punch someone. I work my ass off for the money I have and a thousand bucks makes a big difference to us right now. So, yeah. I'm really mad.

From: Megan
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 11:22 AM
To: Jeannie
Subject: RE: You Ok?

You will get your money back. But, it may take time – and that is TERRIBLE. There is fraud protection for debit cards – you are covered. The only reason they give you an ‘if’ about replacement is so that they can cover their asses in case the victim is actually the perpetrator. You will get your money back.


From: Jeannie
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 11:29 AM
To: Megan
Subject: RE: You Ok?

I know, I know. I'm just pissed off. I have this sneaking suspicion it was these people at this awful place called Farm Boy Drive-In that I had to stop at on my way to Centralia on Saturday. They wouldn't let me use the bathroom w/o buying something. So I bought a milkshake and I had to do it w/ my debit card. I have no proof at all that those ppl are the culprits except that they work at a place called Farm Boy Drive-In. And that they all stared at me when I walked in. Seriously, I hardly think I vibe "urban" or whatever, but if there was some dude playing old timey piano he would have stopped playing when I walked in.

----------

Seriously, what kind of asshole cleans out someone's checking account to shop at Bed Bath and Beyond? Yuck. And, of course, I still have no proof, but stay away from Farm Boy Drive-in off I-5 near Centralia. Even if they're not thieves they make terrible milkshakes and they like to stare at outsiders. Also, there's a rest stop at the next goddamn exit (which, hi, WSDOT, how about some signage on that a little sooner, huh?).

birthday girl

hey everyone...

it's Minty J's BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!

After 1 am is a time I don't see much these days

But last night I did. It was great fun. We were at a show which was super crazy nostalgia- inducing, with one of our closest and most excellent friends from Chicago. She's here until Saturday, and wow is it great to have her here.

Of course, I am tired and bleary today. I will be drinking a great deal of coffee.

That is all.